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Daughter-in-law being as Daugther: Negation in acceptance

Every girl especially in places like India has been taught that your in-law’s house is your real one. But do their in-laws allow their own house to be their home for girls? We are living in developed India now, where the state of mentality has been appreciably modernized, like hardly people believe in the dowry system now, considered their daughter-in-law as their own daughter, in-laws stand out more for their daughter-in-law more than their son sometimes, and many more. But there’s also subsists the harsh reality today, not everyone is that developed whether they looked from their appearances or outfits but having those creepy and narrow thoughts towards their daughter-in-law. Some are twisted when it comes to the comparison between their daughter and daughter-in-law.

Their daughter is allowed and independent to take decisions or to work outside, allowed to wear whatever she wants, can talk whoever she wants, but on another side, their daughter-in-law should know the boundaries, should take permission from husband or in-laws even if she wants to go out, she is supposed to be a homemaker so have to be in bars which are invisible totally, but do exist, and if by any mistake that boundary breaks, then the tag of the home breaker has been patched straight to her character or evermore.

Stop this

The girls have been taught that your in-laws will be your second parents, you will get more love and acceptance than ever, but what if she doesn’t even treat as a person with all rights or been beaten like an animal? During all the suffering, nobody thinks of her, or of her condition, because they don’t think it through, if a girl leaves their in-law’s house, it will become a subject of their shame. Girls have been advised to suffer like,” Don’t bother, its a part of life. Give some time to them, everything will come on a track soon, You’re brave and homemaker, not a big deal if you bear a bit!”. And by listening to this, some attempts to suicide, some are murdered by their in-laws or some are forced to die or some just think it better to leave that house. All the cases of domestic violence are seen leaving every 20 houses in the street. 

During these circumstances, parents are requested to take a vital and certain step instead of giving unnecessary advice to their daughters. They should report complain to the nearby police place or take their daughter back from those cold-blooded creatures. Many helpline are there if you seek help when nobody is helping you. Always remember to have faith and confidence in you, that will help you to bring the change because anyone can give you words but rare can offer a hand. Change comes within ourselves, so make the change and be the change.

It’s okay to be you sometimes….

In this crowd, everyone is in the queue to prove themselves, everyone is so eager to get fame, becoming rich, and proving them more prominent, by running in this race you forget to spend time with yourself rather than standing upon the expectations. You should give yourself the treat with doing nothing sometimes, to be let yourself who you are, eliminate all the clutter because if you’re in this world then they do have a mouth. You should know that it’s okay to be:

It is okay to be doing nothing.

It is okay to be doing nothing sometimes and spending time with yourself only. If you find time for yourself, then you might hear the voices of  complaints from others about what you’re doing, but then you have to know how to get yourself out from this.

It is okay to not to be okay.

It is okay to not to be okay sometimes, if you’d a recent breakup or felt hurt from something or feeling too low to do anything, that’s perfectly okay to stay sad for a while to drain out all the negativities and miseries stored on the moment, but living always with this is something not on the word. Take a restart from the break and conquer the world.

It is okay to be an average.

If you feel you’re so commoner and average to be an influencer or to think so much to do things or speak in front of others because you’re scared to be judged and worried about your impression, then relax, Its only you who can influence yourself or make your unique identity also being an average. If you’re an average and have confidence within you, then cheers, you’re all set to bring change.

It is okay if you don’t look good.

It is okay if you think that you don’t look good. It’s not you who think this, but the people who said those words or reacted weirdly towards you. No one can restrict you to reach your goals, no matter if you’re fat, dark, too tall, too short, thin, disable, or anything, nothing can stop you from achieving your goals if you’re determined, but the thing which can stop is listening to others who say bad for you and not yourself you’ll motivate you more.

It is okay if you fail.

Always remember, failure brings the experience, the experience of not repeating the mistakes, and learning something new. You might have planned further if you succeed, but many lost their hope if they fail and were scared to practice that again. The practice is only the key to perfection. We should always learn to set straight to our mind not to fear of failure anymore, but to practice and work smart and hard even if you succeed.

It is okay to be a mediocre.

It is okay to be a commoner if it soothes you and brings you happiness. Not every person wants to collect fame or to be rich, some also want to spend a stable and happy life with their family and their loved ones. Everyone has their unique way to cherish their lives and spend moments, Some like to collect them on their phones, some like to live every second of that.

It is okay to be you. If you love yourself the way you are then the best way is not to bother with clutter. Do every inch you which want to do, explore more, sleep all day, eat the fuck you want, sing along the shower, because life is one so as you, don’t be a robot or an always agreed child, but be you!

Lessons from past relationships: why do they fail?

Relationships do not fail, we fail them. Life is all about learning things, to come to the matter of togetherness. Setbacks and mistakes are part of life and way to success. We nowadays complain that love does not exist in today’s era, but it takes a special and only one person to fail us on this thought. But what if we fail in this too, what lessons we should learn from our failed relationships so that we do not make those mistakes further:

Trust but not blindly:

Trust is a way for every successful relationship until unless it is blind. You have seen many in relationships that one got betrayed because of their blind trust in their partner. One should keep a check on a random basis on their partner not to peep into their devices but to know with whom they are interacting. There is nothing wrong with that instead you will get to know what’s going in their life as we are more active on our social networks and devices.

Ask them what’s going in their life:

You should ask your partner if is everything going right? You should ask them about their life if they are facing any trouble, and if it is beautiful then how to make it more appreciable because a relationship is not only about your love life connected with your partner but also about sharing the happiness and problems.

Never impose your decisions

Being in a relationship, You always want our partner to do things which you like, and its embracing when they do that, but expecting this from them to leave all their thoughts and habits be get molded like you want them to be is right? Always respect their thoughts and decisions, their likings and way of living life, best understanding comes from here only.

Time and Communication is a key

No matter how busy you’re, if you cannot take out time from your schedule, if you can stay without hearing from your partner or similar in the case of your partner then its a wake-up call, priority of the person has been changed whether they claim it loud. If you’re facing the issues then sit back and communicate what’s lacking in between, how to resolve the situation. There’s nothing in a world that cannot be met with teamwork.

Never let the spark fades away:

You do numerous things to impress and to have that person in your life because you’re so convinced with their personality and nature, but what comes it to not seeing it into your relationship anymore. Why do you let the fire down between you both? Never stop putting efforts to make your partner special whether its been a decade passes of togetherness. If you’ll start taking efforts, everything will then come on the track, always remember small things brings great happiness. 

Be true to your partner:

Hiding things is similar to the deception. A relationship is a bond of trust and love, but when you start keeping things secret, it is the first step of betrayal. If you’ll be true to your partner always, share everything with them that you think they should know, leads to a happy and successful relationship is one of a kind.

Always respect your partner’s personal space:

If you’re in this world then you may have friends also, this also may imply on your partner, you cannot resist your partner not to talk to their friends and knowns just because you do not feel it right. You should respect the personal space of yours as well as your partners, there’s nothing to feel unsecured, if your partner or you still feel this, then let your partner introduce to your friends and chill together, this may help you out to build up trust again. 

Never let you partner feel unwanted or insecure:

Being in a relationship, if you or your partner still feels unwanted which hurts the most, then talk about what they feel about them now and also ask if they still want them? If they’re confused to be together, then listen to your intuition and leave instead of getting into the blame-game. And if they still want you then work on how to make this more beautiful.

What people will say if a girl….

We have heard many times since childhood what people will say? Whether this is about anything, about bragging things, their hypocritical social or religious values, etc. But from the very first it starts from our beloved homes “What people will say if a girl (or woman of the house) will…?” The kind of restrictions stated straight to girls or women which has to be obeyed by them based on society’s hypothetical beliefs are:

If want to wear whatever she wants:

Does the length of the dress of a woman or a girl describe her character? The answer is absolute ‘No’. Respect for women must independent of the types of clothes she’s wearing.

If she put on or lose the weight:

The phrases like ‘loose weight, unless no one will marry you’, ‘you’re so skinny, put on some skin because you won’t be able to handle pregnancy after marriage’, etc. Why everything is connected to their marriages and not what they want to be.

If she steps out after 11 pm :

If a girl or a woman is out even it is 11 pm, then some of us making misinterpretation towards her by calling characterless, thinking she must be hanging around with someone else or she’s out of the values, but no one thinks she’s might be out because of her work.

If she’s 30 and still doesn’t want to get married:

Being Indian, no matter how good you are at your work, everyone will start suggesting you or your family find a good house for her just when she enters her 24. And eventually, she’s 30 and still single, doesn’t want to get married yet because you want to focus on your career, then “What people will say that you’re not married yet, what you will do of this money if you don’t have a family?”

If she put on red dark lipstick:

‘She’s running out of the hands for sure, just look at her dark makeup!’. Yet another statement is given according to the kind of make-up she is wearing whether if she’s traditional saree. This directly stares people want a thing to raise it into an issue.

If she wants to raise your voice against the crime:

‘Keep shut and silent! You’re girl( or woman), you should not be indulged in any kind of protests or raise your voice because it doesn’t look nice if a girl does that, and going forward, you also have to get married or you have a family, you just take care of your house. ’

If she wants to be a single parent:

‘ What people will say if you raise your child as a single parent?’, ‘You cannot raise your child on your own, you need a man, you’re not advised to get divorced, think about your child’, One question raises here why can’t a woman do things by her own if she can give birth by bearing all the pain alone?

If she wants to sit the way she likes:

‘It doesn’t look nice if you sit by opening your legs wide, sit like a girl (or a woman)’, ‘ What people will say, look she sits like a boy (or man), don’t know if she has given the values or not’. Does the sitting posture define the type and the culture in which we brought up?

It’s high time to the mindset changes, a girl or a woman’s respect should not be connected to attire or professional she chooses for herself. High times for girls to confront the obstacles controlling them to spread their wings and fly.

Domestic violence: Silent suffering of male victims

While discussing domestic violence, we always reflect a woman as a victim and a man as a convict, but is the situation exactly like this? Whether we say its a new India, but still somewhere male reign society does exist, and talking like male dominance where every NGO workers are sustainable and working for women empowerment, is the offense is something is hard to digest and believe, but the truth is 14% of the male are facing this. According to the reported cases, Domestic violence against men is rising day by day and can turn to a serious threat to the sufferer.

What do domestic violence means and laws against it?

Domestic violence is the actions taken violently by the spouse or partner in an intimate relationship such as marriages or cohabitation (live in), this can take place in between heterosexual or same-sex marriages or relationships. It often occurs during the situation where an abuser believes their type of abuse won’t get into the acknowledgment or it is acceptable towards their partner which might affect your surrounding, relations or can put a major effect on your children. The seriousness of this issue is still not understood by the government, hence new protection movements have been created. The general acumen is that men cannot be sufferers of violence.

In recent years where we work more for women’s rights, the more cases of beating or harassing men by their wives or partner have come in front. We aren’t sympathetic to the victim men, as per the social perception, men are stronger and can never be beaten or even harassed by their wives but there are reported cases are shown that scenarios may have diverse actions, and men keep hiding them because if somehow revealed, nothing but they’ll turn to be the character of jokes, waves of laughter and mockery.

Types of abuses they might get suffer from:

Here’s the question arises, why can’t men leave abusive relationships? Despite talking about gender, leaving a relationship, when especially it an abusive and disturbing, it’s not that easy. There would have reasons shown by your family or friends to not to end the commitment because of:

Believes connected to your togetherness: that what people will say that you’ve not been able to handle a woman, or you need to save your marriage or relationship for the sake of others connected to it.

Denial on giving up: Similar to female victims, denying on accepting the problem with their relationship which only lengthen the space of abuse. Men also believe that they will change their partner so what if they’ll beat you up, men believe in changing their partner with their love sometimes caught up into isolated advice.

Lacking in resources and shreds of evidence: Many men believed that they’ll find difficulty being believed by the authorities because Indian men are being slapped with a dowry harassment case. It is not only difficult to prove them as sufferers and to shake off the social stigma that comes with being charged with such an act, but also cases tend to be in the woman’s favor.

Domestic violence against men is not the matter of laughter, but the deadliest issues taking place even in our surrounding, but not in our acknowledgment, if you find anything going on around you, instead of ignoring the seriousness of the issue, you should take pictures as evidence and directly report to the authorities. Let’s hope legislation should be made against it to turn this drift.